For many years, I did feel lonely, I felt wrong, misplaced and I was disgusted with myself.
I have been called a lot of things from “friends” and my father. But I still don’t think that any of them ever has said worse things than I said to myself.
My hatred towards my own being has probably always been big, but I never realized how big until I was standing alone with it. For many years I did stand alone with my self-destructive thoughts. I had my mom; but how do tell your mom all the bad things you call yourself or the bad things you want to do to yourself? - You see, in my situation, you don’t. You try to handle it on your own. Because what if I open up and they think I’m a burden? What if they think I'm stupid for feeling these things? How could anyone ever take my bad thoughts seriously when even I didn’t? I mean it´s just thoughts right? Thoughts can't kill you, right? -That was a couple of the things that I told myself. I believed that the bad thoughts were right, and continued my self-destructive thinking. Looking back, I realized that I couldn’t have been more wrong… Thoughts can very much kill, they are so dangerous to stand alone with, which is why I share my stories. Simply to reach a hand out to those of you who feel broken, those of you who feel sad, depressed, anxious and those of you who feel wrong, the list could go in.
You might already by now know that I have been through a lot, and I will continue writing posts about my life. I will continue to write about my life, about my struggles and victories, the dark days and the happy ones. No one wants to hear about the bad things, but they need to be told, for someone else might relate to them and find a steady ground knowing they're not the only one who's felt that way.
I do this simply to be the friend I always needed. If you ever feel wrong, alone or fear you will never succeed, I want you to know that you will never be alone. I might not know you but I do believe in you. Every single person on this earth were placed here for a reason, and I know you will find it, even if things are looking grey and dark, the light and colours will come find you when you least expect it, when you fight for them to show. And you'll never be alone, for I will be by your side to watch you succeed. #humanbeingbecauseweallare