Expectations

Yesterday was a day were I finally started my summer vacation, same as many others. It feels awesome to be able to relax after a couple of exams (for me).

These last weeks has been very stressful, and I really started to realize how many expectations I actually have towards myself, not only in school but also after. Things such as I have to be the best partner, the best child, the best friend, have the best grades, the best at sport and so on. I know that it isn´t possible to be the best at everything, but it would be awesome if it was….

My dad always had many expectations towards me, even from when I was a child, mostly in the sport I played: table tennis. I always felt that I wasn´t good enough. Every game was scary for me, knowing that my dad would freak on me if I lost. He used to yell at me, I would start to cry every time and get the feeling that I couldn’t breathe. He would always do it in front of an entrance so people would see me cry and in that way humiliate me.

Now at age 19 I still want to be the best at everything, and when I fail (because I do), things get more difficult and I feel like I am back to when I was a little child standing in front of my dad being yelled at.

I recently finished three different classes and got fine grades, but I still can´t be proud. I still do have many expectations towards myself, but I´m working on it every day. Trying not to let the expectations control me. One thing I try to remember is how much I have gone through, and how much I have grown over the last couple of years. And I still grow until this day and forward. Today, even though I grew up with a dad filled with expectations, I have managed to get through with my exams with good grades, and that is something I am proud of. Knowing how far I have come. I´m starting to realize and focus on, that it’s okay not to be the best in class. All I have to be best at is being me. Being the human being I am and doing the best I can. Maybe if we all tried to simply just be the best version of ourselves, the expectations we feel would probably mean less over time. That is the point I tried to get through with this post. #humanbeingbecauseweallare